Coffee House Creeps vol.1

Coffee house creeps vol 1:
THE SELF TOPPER TALKER

I encountered this particular brand of creep last
Sunday at Sparrows. This annoying fellow is usually
seated at a full table of friends. He begins to tell a
story of something his "crazy friend" did. This story
is usually outrageous and involves someone innocent
getting angry or property getting destroyed. When the
table of friends laughs at this story it triggers the
Self Topper Talker switch. Now this attention junky will
hold sway over the table by topping each story he tells
with one that is more outrageous than the last. None of
these stories will sound remotely plausible, but the
equally dopey audience will eat them up. By now, he has
insinuated himself into every tale so that each goes
from "My friend" to "Me and my friend". He will
also follow every story with the phrase, "It was so funny".
He thinks this lessens the grimness of what he has said.
Ex: "And then he fell and broke his neck. It
was so funny!". If you encounter this goomer at your
local watering hole, you should attempt to move as

far away from him as possible. If you are him, shame on you!